Adventures of a Duty Elder

Adventures of a Duty Elder

Palm Sunday excitement!

Sunday 13 April 2014

0745: Alarm goes off. Think I'll have a little snooze this morning...

0830: Thoroughly enjoying my Sunday morning snooze. Pull duvet over my head... it's not like I've got much on today...

0831: Heck! I'm Duty Elder this morning. The church won't open itself... I've got so much to do before the crowds arrive! 

0832: Hits snooze button. Just another ten minutes...

0856: GAH! I turned the alarm off... I'm totally running late... must shower... eat breakfast... but first let me update Facebook and Twitter...

0920: Coffee... breakfast...coffee... three Facebook comments. Best check those before I leave, yeah?

0932: Where are the car keys?! I'm completely running late! How did this happen?! 

0936: Keep calm. The Minister will never know. Pretty sure he rocks up with seconds to spare usually...

0945: Church door won't open. Oh for crying out loud... give me a break... Maybe I just need to give the door a shove... "Hello! Who's banging the door?" Oh heck, it's The Minister....

0947: Delighted to notice that The Minister has kindly turned on the lights, unlocked the doors, placed the service sheets on the table...Check list. Not much else I need to do except fetch a glass of water for His Nibs The Minister. Honestly, this Duty Elder thing is a doddle! 

0955: The Minister calls a Strategy Meeting #1

The Minister: "Matthew. With hundreds of possible worshippers attending this morning we need this service to run like clockwork. I need you to be positioned by Door #1 at 1045 while I send the Palm Carrier to lead the congregation out of the church into the street and then I need you at Door #2 at precisely 1048 to guide said carrier... Matthew, are you listening?

Me: Yeah, but why are we going outside with palms....?"

The Minister: "Oh just a little event called Palm Sunday!"

Me: "Oh of course... yes, completely on message now. Yes, Palm Sunday... totally understand. Palms. Yes. Brilliant. 

The Minister: [outlining each stage in much detail] "Are we all clear?"

The Minister's Wife: "Are we sure the congregation knows where to go when they're outside? Have we conducted a vigorous risk assessment? Have we any Hi-Viz jackets for the crowd martial..."

1004: Veto the practice run through. 

1008: Hi-Viz jackets vetoed. 

1015: The crowds arrive... if we all sit together we could probably pass as a 'crowd!'

1021: The Minister calls a Strategy Meeting #2

The Minister: "Where's Beth? Who's doing The Reading? Who's reading the notices? Do you know what your doing re: the Palm Sunday Crowd Maneuver? Did you buy milk for post-service light refreshments?"

Me: [rubs The Minister's back] There, there... it's all fine. All under control..." Darn it! Totally forgot the milk!

1033: Service starts. Take my seat in the foyer. Best check in on Facebook....

Practically a stampede!

1045: Crikey! I haven't opened the doors! The Palm Carrier is making her way towards the door. I dash to the door. Phew! Made it! The Palm hymn is sounding lovely!

1047: Blimey! That was quick! They are making their way to the pews having completed the Palm Sunday procession in record time!

1056: Patiently wait for the stragglers to take their seats! Noticed that The Minister is the only person left singing the hymn; everyone else gave up ages ago! 

1106: Aha, The Minister starts his sermon. On past experience I should be able to pop to the supermarket for milk (and do my weekly shop) before the sermon finishes.

1122: Milk sorted... sermon still going strong!

1135: It's over! I praise myself on a job well done. Honestly, it's a breeze! Although, maybe I should have arrived 20 minutes earlier!

1140: Just been reminded that I also need to lock up. Walk back to church.